Thanksgiving Thoughts, 2021
Things to consider this time of year…
There’s no such thing as too much cheese in the macaroni and cheese. Ever.
If you have a large family gathering, there will be someone in attendance who will either embarrass themself, curse someone out, start a fight, or reveal a dark family secret. Consider it free entertainment.
NFL football should be on the TV. Or a Christmas movie. That’s it. Those are the choices.
It’s officially acceptable to start listening to Christmas music and put up decorations. Anyone who’s done either of these before now should be shunned and avoided. Just like they were for various reasons all throughout elementary school.
Sweet potato pie is a mandatory dessert. Pumpkin pie pales as a substitute - not even in the same league. Maybe this is a cultural thing. Or maybe it just shows I have good taste.
Do not leave your home to go shopping on Thanksgiving. When society as we know it crumbles and the Antichrist is roaming the earth, it will be because of people like you.
Strategize the eating. Eat moderately, but taste everything you like. Give it a couple of hours. Watch some football.. Then head back to the food for Round Two and load up again. Repeat this cycle until you're asked to go home or until you pass out.
Don’t feel insulted if you’re asked to bring paper goods, or the sparkling cider. It doesn’t mean you aren’t loved. It just means your cooking sucks.
No pets allowed during food prep or serving, or anywhere near the dinner table. There’s enough disease and sickness in this world as it is and I don’t like the thought of the bacteria from your dog’s mouth thriving in the cranberry sauce.
Finger lickers make bad food servers. You might not know who you are because you do it subconsciously. But if I see you do it while you’re carving the turkey (or fixing anything), I’m calling you out and will no longer eat your food. You nasty.
Emergency rooms on Thanksgiving are full of overzealous backyard athletes. Go easy, big guy.
Spend some time during the day thinking about all you have to be thankful for. So the around the table “what I’m grateful/thankful for” thing. It’s what the holiday is all about, and it’s a sentiment that should be a part of every day, not just Thanksgiving Day.
Happy Thanksgiving. 🦃🍁🍽